Please Pray for Us

I know this isn't "blog appropriate", but several of you knew of this pregnancy and need to know what has happened. Yes, I am pregnant...or was pregnant. I would have been 7 weeks and 1 day today, but sadly, we lost the baby. I'm really shocked right now. I had no idea this was coming. Tyson and I were so excited (and so confident) that we have already told quite a few people. I never thought this would happen to us. I know how often miscarriages occur, but I just didn't think I would ever be one of "those people." I am obviously not immune. Here's what happened so that I don't have to tell the story over and over again.

I dropped Jake off at school and headed to the doctor while Tyson, who had today off, waited in line at another church to register Jake for Mother's Day Out for next year. Luckily, our good friend Mike Madden relieved Tyson in line at registration so that Tyson could be with me at the doctor's appointment. I was walking back for my ultrasound when Tyson just appeared around the corner....thank God! I lay down for the ultrasound and chit-chat with the nice ultrasound tech while she got everything ready. Next thing you know, there's the baby. I was very surprised because it had arms, legs, and a head just like a really baby...not what I was expecting from a 7 week ultrasound. Jake at that point still just looked like a big blog, not a baby. But this one looked like a baby. She measured it and it measured 7 weeks and 3 days, and I thought "ok good. I thought it would have been bigger, but that's not too bad." Jake always measured a good week or 2 ahead on all of his ultrasounds, so that is what I kind of expected on this one, too. I was still pleased with its size; at least it was still on track. Anyways, the ultrasound tech kept zooming in and repositioning and then zooming in again. The whole time, I'm searching everywhere for that dern heartbeat. Finally, she got up and turned the screen. I said, "but I didn't see a heartbeat." "I didn't either," she said. The tears started rolling down my face. I knew. She didn't have to say another word. It was the biggest shock of my life.

I was quickly taken to a room where we waited for the doctor. We didn't wait too long, but it seemed like forever of course. I cried the whole time and sweet Tyson just hugged me and did his best to comfort me. I eventually just looked up and said, "can I call my mama?" You never get too old to call your mama. So I called and my Dad picked up; he could quickly tell something wasn't right and hollered for my mama. It was absolutely devastating to have to tell them, "we lost the baby." It was the first time I had to say it, and it hurt so much. It was so surreal at this point. The doctor came in shortly after and went over everything with us. He said based on the baby's size, the baby's heart "probably stopped beating within the last day or two." I can't explain how difficult it was to hear those words. Again, it made it so surreal. To know that our baby had a beating heart but it doesn't any more and that it was alive one day but not the next. Between the image of the baby and those words, I am forever scarred.

I am scheduled for a d and c tomorrow, so please keep us in your prayers. After the anesthesia nightmare with having the c-section with Jake, I am scared to death of being put to sleep. And honestly, I am scared to death of this whole procedure. I can't imagine what it's gonna be like to walk in to the hospital "still pregnant" and then to walk out of the doors "not pregnant" and have no baby to show for it. This is awful.

Believe it or not though, we are doing ok. We both have a very strong faith, and we know that God has a plan for us, and this pregnancy just wasn't meant to be. Laughingly, I told Tyson, God was probably like "what the heck were you thinking, Beth? A football season baby? How in the heck could you handle a newborn AND a rambunctious 20 month old DURING FOOTBALL SEASON?" Everything happens for a reason, and we know God has something else in store for us. For now, though, I'm just going to love on my precious, healthy little boy and just thank God for that. I just can't imagine people how people do it who go through miscarriages and not have a healthy child to come home to. We are so very blessed!



Like I said, we are doing ok, but we still would appreciate your prayers. This has already been a rollercoaster of a day, and I'm sure we will have many more like it. Thank you. God Bless.